


Easy

by Feather_Fall



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10490409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feather_Fall/pseuds/Feather_Fall
Summary: To Jiyong, Seungri had always been easy





	1. Easy

Jiyong forgets where he's heard that song before, but he keeps it in his playlist nevertheless. It was by McFly, like that kid from that movie about time travelling and doctors and hovering skateboards. Jiyong smiles at the thought of how one song can sum up how he feels when he thinks about Seungri. He wasn't even the one who wrote it. 

It should be a scandal. 

He laughs.

He shakes his head at the absurdity of that thought. No song can convey the depth of how he truly felt. It was a mess of a mixture he never understood, yet can't help but wonder at how they were all positive and beautiful. 

His phone rings from his pocket as he presses the button for the elevator. He picks it up.

 _"Hyung!_ _Hyung! Hyung!_ " Seungri calls over the line. " _Where are you? I went back to the apartment to change and I might have forgotten where I placed my car keys-_ "

Jiyong sighed loudly into the receiver. "Does that mean you drove by yourself, maknae-ah?" He pinched his nose. The elevator doors slid open and he stepped in, pressing for the floor of the parking lot.

" _I just went to meet with my sister, Yongie. I know neither you nor sajangnim likes me driving anymore even though, I might add, it's been years. Hanna even teased me about it a while ago so I don't need you telling me off about it either. Where are my god damn keys?!_ "

Seungri has always been like this, talking a mile a minute with no signs of stopping if let be.  _Shut up, Maknae_ is probably one of the most used phrases of the group over the years, which is saying something considering it's not one much known by the fans. Even Daesung has said it a couple of times, and it's always funniest when he does. 

"Seungri," Jiyong says, effectively pausing the other. "Have you actually tried your pockets?" The older reaches for his own, taking steady steps to his car. There was no rush, Seungri will always be where he needed him to be. 

" _Of course, I have_ ," Seungri says, affronted. " _That was the first place I...huh._ "

Jiyong barely contained his laugh. "I'm sure. Listen, Ri, I just got out of YG. I'll just pick you up, instead. What do you say?"

" _I have to fly tomorrow to Japan, Ji-_ "

"Then I'll take you home. I'll even take you to the airport."

" _You don't ha-_ "

"I want to."

" _Yah! You keep cutting me off, it's getting really anno-_ "

"Then stop saying useless things, seriously."

Dealing with Seungri was frustating. He had quirks and habits that were just downright infuriating and unbelievable that it made his blood boil. TOP may have been a five-year-old stuck in an almost thirty-year-old body, but Little Seunghyun was the one who brought Big Seunghyun to life the most. 

Jiyong pulls his car onto the Seoul night streets. He has two hours to midnight, two hours until the date changes. He still doesn't hurry. Seungri will always be where he needed him to be. 

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he says as he hears Seungri pouting over the line, "if traffic would let me."

 _"Ah,"_  the Maknae drags, " _take care, oppa. I'll be waiting_."

Jiyong disconnects the call then connects his phone to the speakers of his car because the song is only there on his phone, and he hasn't thought of adding it to a playlist anywhere else. 

The sound of a ukelele flows from the speakers and he makes his way home. 

 _Love Is Easy_ , the song is called.

The realist side of him supposes that, no, love isn't supposed to be easy. Love is messy and complicated and painful and obssessive and blue. He's sung enough of those songs and wrote about them too much that its the truth. God knows Youngbae has teased him enough about it, too.

But the truth is, love is also easy.

Because love is Seungri.

And Seungri has always been easy.

Seungri, back when he was still just Lee Seunghyun, the dancing boy from Gwangju, had always idolized him, looked up to him,  _loved_ him. Lee Seunghyun would listen to his every word, watch his every move, follow his every order. The kid was easy like that. Seungri doesn't do that as much anymore - mostly in the moments when he'd be too tired to regulate himself and just let his body naturally react to Jiyong in the most endearing manner - but Jiyong doesn't miss it. Seungri's love for him then felt wrong, lika a fanboy, like too much of someone he couldn't reach.

Like Seungri was someone Jiyong couldn't reach.

Over time, though, Jiyong let Seungri close. It wasn't like Jiyong opened the door for Seungri. It was more like Seungri opened a window quietly and let himself in. Jiyong said so once, a long time ago, and now they'll forever remember it in a song. 

It was natural, falling in love with Seungri. After the initial contempt from the disappointment of joining a group, the hugs, the teasing, the bullying, and the playful kisses felt like a natural step to their ever-growing relationship. Those never really stopped, but they also never really stopped becoming more meaningful. 

Seungri was one of the easiest people to love, and Jiyong had not been able to stop himself. He didn't actually try, nor did he actually want to. It just felt so wonderful in Seungri's arms, more so now that they're both chubbier, that he never wanted to leave. 

At least not again.

The years in between then and now, the years of their having to tone it down because the press was too loud, the scandals too high, the months when he felt like his heart was going to stop because of all the accusations and all the sin people were choking him with, the days when he actually wanted it to - they were rough.

But Seungri was there, being easy, making everything else easier by wrapping his arms around him or soothing his heart healthy when no one else can. 

Jiyong just fell, fell, fell, but with Seungri he felt like he was floating. 

Yet when it was Seungri who got himself into a scandal, during one of their weak moments, when they were apart (because they will never be weak when they are together), and all Jiyong did was text him he was disappointed, Jiyong never felt more disappointed in himself either. 

It still burns in his conscience sometimes, but all Seungri has ever held against him was his body. 

And Seungri stayed, despite everything, because Jiyong was brave enough to ask him to, because Seungri was easy like that.

Like how Seungri's hand automatically wraps around his when he asks for it.

Like how his lips smile widely for him when he looks for it.

Like how his eyes meet his when he yearns for it.

Like how his voice gentles deliberately for him when he breathes for it.

Because Seungri is easy like that.

Like when the first time Jiyong told Seungri he loves him, it was over the phone, the words coming out naturally when they were saying their goodnights, and Seungri just as naturally said it back.

Like when the first time they made love, Ji made love to Ri, it was on Jiyong's bed, on a random day, after a random dinner, when both of them just expected to sleep next to each other like they always did, not with each other, but it just happened and Seungri just happily kissed Jiyong in the morning.

Because Seungri is easy like that.

It makes Jiyong sigh.

It also takes Jiyong less than fifteen minutes to reach their apartment, and instead of calling his lover to come down, he goes up. He rubs his thumb over the velvet box in his coat pocket before ringing for the door. It opens.

"Annyeong, Ri-ah," Jiyong says, a little breathless because someone beautiful is standing right in front of him.

"Annyeong, Jiyong-ah," Seungri says, never too fondly in Jiyong's honest opinion. 

"You ready to go?" 

Seungri kisses him on the lips, there in the corridor, where anyone can see, and nods his head. "You're paying for my dinner, of course I'm ready."

"Yah, you're something else, aren't you?" Jiyong laughs as he pulls Seungri to the elevator.

Seungri follows along and lets the door lock automatically behind him. "Little did you know, GD, I'm the real one of a kind."

Jiyong says nothing else and just holds Seungri close on the way down. 

His hand is on the velvet box again and he thinks how he's not nervous, how natural this feels, how easy. He's confident, 'cause even if Seungri says no, then he'll just ask again next year or the year after that. He knows it'll happen eventually, when Seungri is ready.

He's not worried. Seungri will always be where he needs him to be.

 


	2. Sinatra, Don't Fail Me Now

_He said yes!_

Okay, well, Jiyong might be just a little too excited because Seungri hadn't actually said yes. 

Yet.

But he will, Jiyong is sure of it. The wobbling of Seungri's lower lip and the watering in his eyes are too much of an indication for Seungri not to say yes.

God, Seungri should just say it already. 

Jiyong had been kneeling on one knee for at least two minutes now and although Seungri is being downright adorable, all he wants is to get to kiss his fiance, which he won't be able to do until the yes has been said.

So Seungri should just really hurry and not wait for something they both know they want.

Finally, Seungri opens his mouth. Finally,  _finally_.

He hesitates. "H-Hyung," he hesitates some more.

"Yes?" Jiyong can't keep the excitement from his voice and he knows he shouldn't be the one saying it, but it's so obvious that Seungri's going to say yes, and if Seungri didn't want Jiyong this excited, then he shouldn't have looked so happy when he'd been asked.

Jiyong even changed the sheets of his bed for this, goddamn. He didn't even care if Seungri would appreciate the sentiment so long as he'd say the word already.

Sure, he wasn't certain Seungri'd say yes; nor was he worried should Seungri say no. But Jiyong had been hoping and anticipating for Seungri's sweet sweet answer and Seungri had never actually said no to Jiyong before, and never has Jiyong asked anything from Seungri on one bended knee. Seriously, Seungri should just say-

"Are you sure?"

-not that.

Jiyong sighs. His heart needs to calm down or else he'll die. That is, if his knees don't kill him first.

He closes the small box in his hand and attempts to stand. Seungri wraps his hands around the elder's elbows. He probably saw the wobble on Jiyong's knees.

Jiyong swears it's because of his age and for no other reason at all.

"Seungri," says Jiyong, seriously incredulous, "I rented out a five-star restaurant for you in Seoul on a Friday night for the whole night, just so that I can get down on my knees and ask you a question."

Seungri flinches at that. He tries to step back but Jiyong keeps him close with a pull on his tie. 

The restaurant was small, found on the 11th floor of a business building in Seoul, extremely expensive and always on demand, considering that its main venue of advertisement was through the word of mouth of their customers. The lights were romantically dimmed, casting even the shadows on Seungri's face in a beautifull light, sihouetting the contours of his face as if they existed for them and them alone. It was redecorated and most of the tables removed, except for the one by the windows where they had taken their dinner. There was also a sofa made from Italian leather by the fireplace where they had been drinking wine before Jiyong put on Frank Sinatra and asked Seungri to dance. It was redecorted just for tonight, just for this purpose, just for Seungri. 

"How can I not be sure?"

"B-because hyung," and here, Seungri's eyes changes - steadier, more searching, "we've never talked about this before."

"Then, let's talk about it now. I want to marry you, give  you my all because that's what you are to me."

"But, we can't get married... here. In Korea."

"I know. I'm biased towards Paris, but we can go wherever you like."

"And I'm not a girl."

"I've seen your body enough times to know, Ri."

"I mean, I can't give you a child."

"We can adopt. It's not something I want to have, if it's not with you."

"But, we've only been together a year."

"We've only been  _official_  for a year. You've been mine for the past 10 years of our lives, so please give me the honor of taking care of you for the rest of it."

All of a sudden, Seungri can't look his lover in the eyes, but his lips stops quivering, and is set into a tight frown. Jiyong's hold on his tie tightens unconsciously.

"Exactly, hyung." Seungri's voice is so small that Jiyong barely catches it over Sinatra's crooning. "You know I've loved you ever since. You've known, you've always known. And yet, we've only been official a year out of ten. I didn't... I didn't think you were serious. About us. This much, at least."

"Ri-ah," Jiyong's voice sounds faint, for though he was prepared to have Seungri say no to him because he wasn't ready, Jiyong didn't know what he would do if Seungri said no because they were...  _them_. "Are you... have you been doubting us?"

"Never, hyung."

"Me, then?"

"I trust you most of all."

"Then what, Ri? What are you doubting?"

Jiyong is confused. Thousands of thoughts run through his head to the point that he can no longer decipher where one ended and another began. There's just so much that his mind could've been blank and it would have made no difference.

_What was Seungri trying to say? All he should be trying to say is yes._

"It's not that; I'm not doubting anything," spoke Seungri slowly. "I just thought you still have to think this through."

"What do you mean think this through?" Oh, okay. Apparently, Jiyong's mind picked frustration out of the mess of emotions he's burying himself in. "I've known I wanted to get married since I was 18. I have thought this through."

"I know, hyung. I know."

"Then why are you still not saying-"

Then it dawns on Jiyong what Seungri is trying to say, and why he isn't saying yes.

It dawns on him why the love of his life can't say yes.

"You thought I didn't want to get married to you." 

Jiyong is hoping he is wrong, that he jumped to the wrong conclusion and they can just laugh about this later on because how could Seungri think that he wouldn't want this with him? But Seungri doesn't deny it and all of Jiyong's emotions dissipates but one, and it crawls its way all over his chest and constrains his lungs. Sadness grips his heart and  _Seungri please_.

"Ri?" 

The quiver in Seungri's lips was back, and Jiyong must have misinterpreted it from the start, because now it seems like Seungri was never planning on saying yes at all.

"I'm sorry, hyung."

And,  _fuck_ , that hurts.

Jiyong had long let go of Seungri's tie, but his hand finds purchase on the other's soft ones, looking for something to hold on to because they aren't breaking up just because Jiyong wanted to  _put a ring on it_. 

He leads them back to the sofa and makes Seungri straddle his lap. The maknae is pliant and fits his head on the crook of Jiyong's neck. The leader instantly feels at ease because this isn't a rejection. Never will Seungri outrightly reject him. What Seungri feels - and is making known to Jiyong right now - is hesitation, uncertainty, fear.

Seungri has always made it easy for him like this, no matter how many times he's messed up, Seungri will always ease his heart and mind. But that doesn't mean there isn't a turmoil in his love's heart. 

Seungri sighs. "Don't play with me like this, Ji." The way Seugri clutches at Jiyong's shirt is a testament to the heaviness Seungri feels. Jiyong tries to soothe his boy, carressing the thighs around his waist. "You're making me want things I shouldn't."

"All you have to do is tell me what you want, baby. I'll give you everything."

Seungri nips at his neck, licks behind his ear, and sucks on his bottom lip. It feels so loving, it has Jiyong's head spinning. "This, Ji," says Seungri, "this is all I want. Us, whatever we are right now. I love us like this. It makes makes me happy."

Jiyong's heart thumps wildly in his chest. He feels so elated because Seungri is wrapped around him, telling him he loves him and showing it, but at the same time he can't help feel down and wonder, "But you don't want more?"

Seungri doesn't reply to that, he just puts his head back on Jiyong's shoulder and plays with the button of the leader's shirt. Jiyong holds his heart as close as possible and brethes him in. He likes how they smell almost alike now, except Seungri's scent is always laced with vanilla and it never fails to make Jiyong want to taste.

"That's all right, Ri. We don't have to get married now; we can do it when you want to."

Seungri freezes in his arms and both of them hear him hold his breath. Jiyong wants to massage all of Seungri's worries away. Jiyong wants him to calm down because he's all shook up. Jiyong wants to stop the little tremors going through his boy's body because he doesn't want to feel like this is breaking him, breaking them.

Because he feels like there's something he can't quite understand.

Jiyong remembers Seungri telling him he wanted to get married. He even knows Seungri wants to settle down back in Gwangju and help in its development so the residents don't have to go to places like Seoul just to get opportunities, like he did way back when. Seungri's heart of gold wanted to give back to his roots. He wanted at least two kids and a house with a picket fence and a sand box in the backyard where the kids could play with their friends and a dog and a treehouse he would help build himself and-

_Fuck._

It wasn't that Seungri didn't want to marry. It's that-

"Seungri, do you not want to marry  _me?"_

On cue, Jiyong feels tears slide down his neck. He panics inside because, this time, he's sure that Seungri's saying  _yes._

He lifts the younger's head to look him in the eyes, Seungri's sad, sad eyes but still,  _still_ , full of love. 

"You make me so happy, Jiyong-ah," is what, ironically, falls from his lips, strangled and strange, like it was being forced out by a certain need to be understood. "So very much, and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm doubting you but I'm not. I trust you and I trust that what we feel toward each other is real. But I can't," his voice breaks, "but I can't help think that what we are, is temporary. That you're just a gift given to me, to at least let me have a taste of what it feels like to have you exclusively mine, because I've always been exclusively yours, and I think to myself that it's okay. I'd rather have you love me once than never at all, because I love you. I love you, Jiyong-ah."

Jiyong wants to kiss him, if only to shut him up, because it hurts too much that this is what Seungri thinks about them. What's worse is that Jiyong can't blame him. How can he when he's always been the one out of reach, he's the one that comes and goes, he's the one that takes and takes and takes so long as Seungri lets him.

Because Seungri is easy. 

So easy that even when they're together, Seungri's offering him a way out if he ever wanted it. There's just no way that Seungri's doing this for himself. It was for him. That's why there's no doubt, that's why Seungri is loving and letting himself be loved in full.

There's no doubt. There's no hope, either.

Fuck,  _fuck._

"But if you ask me to marry you, Ji, if you tempt me with the promise of forever, I don't know what to think. It feels like wanting what I shouldn't want, like needing what I shouldn't need. It feels like a deprivation because I want to -  _I want to_ \- but I feel like I can't."

Jiyong wipes the tears from Seungri's eyes because this isn't right. His love shouldn't be crying about this, something so self-depracating, when he deserves nothing less than everything Jiyong's got to give. It's all his fault, Jiyong knows, and he accepts it. He'll more than gladly accept it if it means Seungri would let him spend the rest of their lives together, atoning for his mistakes.

"Seungri," begins Jiyong gently because he wants to do for Seungri what he has always done for him: reassure the other that he is and will always be loved. "You're the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and I was stupid enough to take that for granted, but not anymore. I was wrong not to choose you from the start, I was wrong to always leave you hanging, neglect you when it mattered, and keep you second guessing. I've known all along and I kept at it still. I don't deserve you, but you're the one for me and I can't even imagine life if I let you go. I'll prove it to you; I'll prove my love for you every single day even without a ring on your finger for as long as you let me, even if you don't let me, because not loving you is no longer a possibility. I'll never leave you, Ri. How can I? You're my home, my everything. Lee Seunghyun, I love you.  _I love you-"_

Seungri crashes their lips together, passionate, hungry, desperate for the love deprived from him while Sinatra sings to them about inviting eyes and exciting smiles and hearts saying  _I must have you_ 's. Jiyong gives and gives and gives, because Seungri means too much for him not to. Seungri's hands press him everywhere, trailing warmth and fire wherever he's touched until they clasp behind his head, deepening the kiss and swirl of tongues and nips and clash of teeth. 

Still, it feels like it isn't enough. Jiyong feels like it isn't enough.

So he wraps Seungri's legs tighter around his waist and holds him impossibly close. He twists them both and suddenly he has Seungri beneath him, on the sofa, with the light from the fireplace making him look like salvation. Jiyong connects their lips again and presses into Seungri, wanting nothing between them, not even air. His heart hammers in that special way it never fails to do everytime Seungri's underneath him, or above him, around him, feeding him like an addict desperate for a fix.

Maybe he is.

Seungri's no better.

"Take me home, Ji," Seungri pleads, breathless, in love. "Take me home."

And he does.

 

 

In the morning, Jiyong wakes up alone, naked in his bed, clothes on the floor, sunshine sneaking through the curtains, and his sheets smelling like sex and vanilla. There's something, opened and empty, on the bedside table on the other side that he fails to see, but will nonetheless grin fondly at later on when he does notice it.

He hears Sinatra playing ever so faintly through the door. He puts on his shorts and nothing else and goes to find where his Seungri is. 

The scent of breakfast wafts through the air and, as Jiyong heads to the kitchen, he realizes that there's a gentle humming that duets with Sinatra. It's Seungri, only in Jiyong's shirt, oversized that it opened to just beneath his collar bones and dropped mid-thigh, and so thin it clung to all the right curves of Seungri's body. 

Jiyong stands frozen by the entrance as Seungri invites him in for breakfast, his voice warm like pancakes and smooth as syrup. A glint had caught Jiyong's eyes, watery now.

In the morning, Jiyong finds Seungri with his ring on his finger.

 


End file.
